The Long Journey of Procrastination
by Natale Ferraro
One thing I love doing is traveling, and one thing I can’t bring myself to do most of the time is sit down and write a paper. I am on a journey of procrastination. I have 10 writing assignments due, but I decide to travel the world. I'm trying to enjoy myself, but as I reach into my fanny pack to pay for my chocolate gelato, my wallet, hand sanitizer, and other travel essentials are gone, replaced with a pile of writing from my past. How did this even happen? It feels like a dream. “Food Production, Greenhouse Gasses, Everything is Corn,” for AP Lang; a research paper on radiology-- but again, why? The one about Supreme Court justices-- I really needed help writing that; I had no idea what I was doing. I take it some higher power is telling me I need to get started on my work. I run straight to the airport, not even waiting for the bus or train to get there because there is no time. I sprint to the airport and get on the first flight to Boston. It is time to start my writing assignments.
My frustration presents every time I try to start writing. I think the problem is I never write for myself; I only write for assignments. It’s like a little bird constantly chirping in my ear. Instead of “Tweet tweet” it says, “Start your homework, there’s not much time left.” I throw this bird off of my shoulder without looking back quite often. At the airport, I see people I never thought I’d see in the same room; my high school teacher walks by and says, “I still have some edits on your college essay.” I am weirded out, but also really thirsty, and feel the craving for Dunkin’ Donuts coffee. The people in line at the register start to look familiar; my 5th grade teacher casually picks up his cup and walks right by me, adrift. I hear a loud thud and turn to see two people on the ground.
My 5th grade teacher and current Public Speaking professor must have knocked into each other, briefcases flying and everything falling out. I run over to help them up and pick up their briefcases, not even batting an eye. As I'm rumbling through the many, many papers and notebooks, they stare at me like I’m in a horror movie. “What are you looking at?” I ask, and their eyeballs rotate down towards the papers in my hand. My 5th grade poem. “Ahhh, I remember this! I had to write and recite poems every week in 5th grade.” For what seemed like a nice memory, I started to think about this. I really used to sweat, and my heart would start racing as if it was about to pump so hard it would come right out of my chest. What if I mess up my line? What if my voice cracks? How about jumbling my words and getting laughed at by the whole 5th grade class? There were so many things to worry about. I calm myself down by remembering that this was a long time ago. Going through the pile of papers, I come across my speeches for Public Speaking. I see professor’s smirk as my 5th grade voice bubbles up: What if I mess up my line? What if my voice cracks? How about jumbling my words together and getting laughed at by my entire college class? There are so many things to worry about!
However, I never let assignments get in the way of coffee, so I hop back in line. I procrastinate in any possible way, but the most frequent is convincing myself that yeah, I will go get a coffee and start the assignment when I get home. Then, I finally get to the cashier, and it’s my English teacher from my high school years. My anxiety begins to diminish, my heart rate slows to normal, and I stop profusely sweating. She hands me the cup and says “Get home safely, now.” I can’t help but smile. I reach into my fanny pack to get my wallet and freak out, forgetting my wallet isn’t there. Shuffling through the papers once again, I come across one that got an A. What do you know-- three folded bucks fall out, and I can pay for my coffee. I say thank you, and realize that I can do this.
Fueled with caffeine, I board the plane with intentions to run home when I land. Time is ticking. I have until 11:59 to get these assignments done. The plane has Wi-Fi, so I get to work––at least I thought I was going to work. It’s as if all of my thoughts have left my brain and jumped off of this plane. Extremely aggravated, I close my laptop and just give up. My mind is racing. I can’t stop thinking about other things. Why am I working so much? Should I quit my bartending job? Will I have enough money if I quit my bartending job? I wouldn’t have been able to even afford this plane ticket if I did that. But I have another job; I can easily make it work. I'm a teacher—a job that is super important to me, but the pay is not great. Why is the education system like this? Is my job not important? I wonder what my friends are doing. I wonder how my students are doing. Did I put on deodorant before boarding this plane? Oh man, I have so much laundry to do when I get home. I cannot seem to turn my brain off.
The intercom comes on and repeats, “Here, now.” I close my eyes and really try to overcome my self-talk. “Here, now.” I begin to start thinking in the present. My breathing was super-fast, but begins to slow down. I feel a sense of relaxation. My brain begins to clear and my mind is fresh as ever. I open up that laptop and words begin to pour on the screen. I am not quite done, but the plane is landing. My fanny pack feels a little bit lighter. I run home and finish my assignments. Feeling accomplished, I admit this would be so much less stressful if I stopped waiting until the last minute! I look in my fanny pack, and the papers are gone. My wallet, hand sanitizer, and other travel essentials are back. I quit that bartending job. I am getting my priorities straight. I will write a paper in a state of relaxation, where my anxiety, frustration, and procrastination cannot take over.
The next week comes around; I have some writing assignments due. Driving in my car, I suddenly realize it’s the due date! I tell myself I will start my paper at 8 p.m., which is plenty of time to finish an assignment due at midnight. I open my fanny pack for my wallet. The papers are back, and my fanny pack is heavier than ever! When will this cycle end?
Natale Ferraro will graduate in 2022 with a bachelor's degree in Psychology (Applied Behavior Analysis).
Sara Pompeo edited this story.