Heaven and Hell
“May God have mercy on our souls,” Natalia murmurs, with her hands braced on the steering wheel.
Her hands are shaking.
“Drive, before the cops show up,” Ren reminds her.
He glances at the school behind them, at everything they’re leaving behind for the police to find. His phone is in his lap, with his recent call list open. The final call from Alex is stamped 11:32, and above it the numbers 911 and 1:02 taunt him. In just an hour and a half, he lost everything.
On the dashboard of Natalia’s truck, he can see that it’s now 1:09 in the morning. They’re pushing their luck sticking around this long.
Natalia starts driving. They sit in silence. The windshield wipers going back and forth to fight off the rain is the only sound that Ren can focus on. They squeak. Natalia’s needed to replace them ever since they started high school.
He isn’t sure where they’re going. There’s no running from this. They can’t escape, at least not for long.
As if she can sense his anxiety, Natalia glances over at him and sighs.
“Let’s get something to eat,” Natalia says, putting her blinker on and taking a turn.
A couple of minutes later, they pull into a diner. Heaven’s diner appears to taunt him, the flickering H and the proudly displayed “Since 1962!” sign. It’s so normal and familiar that he finds himself getting angry.
For a moment, it’s almost like he can see Alex running ahead to get in before either of them. His hand twitches from where it rests against his side, and he quickly curls it into a fist.
He doesn’t have a hand to hold anymore.
Natalia drops him off at the front before going to park.
Ren takes a deep breath and pushes the door open, the bell above it ringing.
“Hi Ren! What happened to you?”
Sofia’s working.
“Natalia and I got into a bit of a fight, we’re fine,” he lies.
“Again?” Sofia laughs. “I swear, you two are going to get into real trouble one of these days.”
He takes a seat in one of the worn down booths. It’s the one the three of them would always sit in when they came here together. Again, Ren finds himself reaching for someone who isn’t there.
The seats are ripped open in some places, their inside stuffing exposed. The table is scuffed from years of use, people’s names written in marker or carved into the wood. His fingers immediately find the grooves of the names “Natalia”, “Alex”, and “Ren” which are worn into the table. A jukebox at the far end plays a Beatles song. From outside, lightning strikes, followed by a crash of thunder.
Ren watches the door.
After what feels like years, Natalia finally walks into the diner, her normally curly hair completely flattened from the rain. Black strands stick all over her face, and even from a distance, Ren can see her grimacing. She looks around for a moment, seemingly completely lost. She looks at him, but Ren knows she isn’t really seeing him.
She nods to Sofia before coming to join Ren at their booth.
“Took you long enough,” Ren comments.
“If you can believe it, it’s kind of hard to park with a sprained ankle. Wonder how that fucking happened. Plus the diner’s open all night, what does it matter?” she shoots back sarcastically.
For a moment they both go quiet, then seem to realize that it’s just the two of them here. No one is going to fill their silences. Not anymore. Maybe an hour and a half ago, things were how they’ve always been, but everything is different now.
Natalia shakes her head, as if pulling herself together.
“About Alex–”
A third voice interjects with a familiar and bright, “Do you guys want anything to drink?”
For a moment, Ren is relieved to be interrupted. Then he remembers everything and just…shakes his head at her. He doesn’t think he could keep anything down.
“A black coffee,” Natalia says. “Thank you, Sofia.”
“What was it about this time?” Sofia questions.
“Ren opened his big mouth again,” Natalia deadpans.
Sofia scribbles something down, nodding, then walks away. For a moment Ren watches her blonde ponytail swing back and forth and he thinks about how Alex always had their hair up too.
Ren hears sirens in the distance.
He drops his head down to look at the table, closing his eyes like it’ll block out what’s happening.
“Ren, listen. We have to get things straight before they get here. Do you understand? We had to kill Alex, we didn’t have a choice, it was self defense. That’s what we’re telling the police. Our stories need to match up.”
Ren opens his eyes again and looks at Natalia. There’s dried blood under her crooked nose that runs over her frowning lips and down her chin. There’s a bruise blooming on her neck, and though he can’t see it he knows she sprained her ankle. He isn’t any better off, one of his shoulders sits dislocated and his hair is matted with blood, not to mention his possible concussion.
He considers what to say to Natalia, how to say that all he wants is for Alex’s death to mean something. He doesn’t want to lie about who Alex was, to say that this was only a matter of time. Alex was the best of any of them, they couldn’t possibly deserve any of this.
Ren knows that given the choice between Alex or himself, the answer has always been Alex. He doesn’t think he can change that answer now. He thinks it’s too late.
If it isn’t for Natalia, all the better for her. Though she looks unbelievably tired, he knows deep down she’s much stronger than he could ever be.
“I don’t know if I can. That wasn’t Alex, you know that. It was…I don’t know, something else. Something bad. Something that crawled out of the pits of hell. I wouldn’t dare call it Alex, even if it was wearing their face.”
Natalia slides out of the booth and stands up, looking down at him. He can see how her weight is shifted off her bad foot. There’s steel in her gray eyes, not an uncommon sight at all. He doesn’t like this side of it.
“Alright, let’s cut to the chase. I’m not going to jail. If you want to, that’s your bullshit choice. I’ll throw you under the bus with Alex if you really want to go down together. But I’m not an idiot. I have a future, and it isn’t in a cell,” Natalia spits.
Maybe that’s true for her. Natalia Pérez has a bright future, one that she fought hard for. Natalia Pérez is sharp and strong. Natalia Pérez will be a doctor, a surgeon. Natalia Pérez cannot go to jail, Natalia Pérez has made a freedom for herself that nobody can take away. Not even Alex.
Not even Ren.
She stalks out of the diner just as the police sirens pull into the parking lot. He can see her raise her hands as she exits.
He considers following her lead. He considers turning himself in and explaining everything, even if he knows they wouldn’t believe him. Maybe he could save some face for Alex’s sake. Maybe he could have a future too.
He gets up and walks over to the jukebox, inputting a quarter and playing Alex’s favorite song, “Carry On Wayward Son.”
When he goes back to the booth, Natalia’s coffee sits steaming on the table. He picks it up and takes a sip.
It’s bitter.
The last song Alex ever listened to plays on as the police take Ren out of the diner in handcuffs.