Goodbye Sky: 1st Place, Essay Memoir
By Zhe Pan
Zhe Pan is the first-place winner of our Climate Change Memoir Writing Contest in the category, Essay Memoir. Zhe's story explores the compelling relationship between nature, childhood, and tradition, and how climate change affects our ability to connect to the past.
In China, we have a word called “Na Liang,” which means to rest in the shade to avoid heat. Especially in the summer when people finish a whole day's work, they will take out small benches from home and sit together under a big tree to chat. You can imagine: under a big tree, there sits several old people. They lean back against the recliner with fans in their hands and cups of tea at their feet. Children are sitting next to them with small benches. Some children are lying on the old man's legs to listen to the story, and some children are playing with the mud under their feet.
I spent a summer of my childhood listening to one story after another. Whenever the sun would set, I’d move from my small bench and listen to the old man telling many novel stories under the big tree. While listening to the story, I stared at the distant sky. At night, the sky was dark blue and clear, like a transparent sapphire. The stars were shining like the light refracted by the sapphire. As children, we had a lot of games about stars. For example, we would compete to see who could find the big dipper first, or who could find the brightest star. At that time, it was always easy to see the brightest stars.
Later on, the weather in summer became hotter and hotter. Every household was equipped with air conditioners to avoid the bad weather, and fewer and fewer people went out “Na Liang” at night. The relationship between people became indifferent. We began to lose sight of our neighbors. I won't hear the stories of "ogre" and "beauty snake" from the old people anymore. I also seldom looked up to see the beautiful blue sky.
When growing up one summer, I had dinner at my grandfather's house. After sunset, my cousin and I wanted ice cream, so we went for a walk. Suddenly, I thought of the games we played together when we were young. I looked up at the sky carefully. I found that the sapphire sky was no longer clear. It seems that someone knocked over a basin of sand and covered the sky with a layer of dust. In China, when we miss someone, we will always look at the sky and watch the moon. Wherever you are in the world, you see the same moon as that person. However, when I miss my childhood, the moon is not as bright as it once was.
When I was a child, the sky was as clear as sapphire. Whenever I was confused, it would give the sincerest answers to me. It watched my actions gently, like a person who silently protects me. It showed all its secrets generously to me. As long as I looked up at it, we could understand each other. Now, the sky has become a mystery. It covers everything with a veil and doesn't want anyone to come close. It won't give me any answers. I cannot understand it. It and I became two strangers.
I wave goodbye to it through thick fog, but I don’t know whether I'm saying goodbye to the sky or to my childhood. I feel farther and farther away from the sky, from childhood, and from everything in nature.
Edited by Delia Cullity