[nonfiction] Clinically Exhausted
By Rachel Dialessi, ‘22
I just want to make sure that you have enough time to get your schoolwork done, I hear. School is the most important thing in your life right now. Maybe you should slow down at work.
I always get my work done on time. Sometimes I procrastinate, but when I do it’s usually because I needed to take some time to slow things down and relax. So I put on “Brooklyn Nine-Nine” or “Parks and Recreation.” Sometimes I just need to escape the work that I have to do, just for an episode or two.
Have you applied for that internship yet? When’s it due? I just don’t want you to miss out on an opportunity that will help you so much with your future. You’re wasting your time, I'm told.
I missed the internship deadline. I missed the other one too, but I didn’t tell you about that one because you put so much pressure on the first one. I was scared to apply for it, and you didn’t even care about that. Once you heard the words “paid internship” you didn’t care about anything else. You didn’t even ask if I wanted to do it.
This is clinically exhausting.
Honey, you know you have to keep up with your bills. I’ll help you this one last time with the insurance payment, but you’ve got to keep working.
I do keep working. It’s just a catch 22 because when I work, I miss out on all that time I could spend doing my homework. And when I take a few days off, I’m a little short making my car payment since I needed a new car because the last one couldn’t even get me to work anymore. I work my butt off and I’m exhausted so I have to miss work because I can’t keep up with the long hours in a single day.
When was the last time you saw Bri? Are the two of you even still friends anymore? You should take some time off and hang out with some of your friends honey. I know you have school and work, but you shouldn’t want to go through life alone.
My friendships are none of your business, but if you must know, Bri and I are fine, we are just on opposite schedules. I have friends, but I don’t have a lot of time for them because of school and work, and when I see them, I get behind on my schoolwork and from taking time off, I’m not making any extra money. And I’ve got to work so that I have the money for my bills and to go out and to have some fun with my friends.
This is clinically exhausting.
You have it hard? I pay a mortgage. I have a husband who pisses off everyone on my side of the family because of politics on Facebook. I have two kids. I haven’t slept a full night in over 21 years because of you and your brother. I want you guys to have everything, and this virus isn’t helping. Don’t you understand I’m struggling too? I’m so hard on you because I know you can handle it. You just need to manage your time better. Let me help you.
STOP.
You don’t understand. Balancing school and work is so hard, I barely have time to eat some days. How do you expect me to have time to do everything else? I have classes all day and do homework all night, and as soon as my last class is over I go to work until it’s after dark. Then I come home and do more work before it’s all due at 11:59 pm that night because that’s the only time I have to finish it. I get up early the next morning to repeat this process or depending on the day I get to switch it up and go to work in the morning and do homework in the afternoon instead. I have no time to breathe, never mind clean my room, or eat, or see my friends. Can’t you see I’m tired? I’m trying my best.
I am clinically exhausted.
Rachel Dialessi majors in English.
Samantha Flaherty edited this story.
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